My Story Starter…


Posted by dawso | Posted in author, homework | Posted on September 20, 2012

Hi Everyone!
Yesterday I wrote a post about a Scary Story Starter that I had created. Well… Yesterday, a man called Mr Mannell commented on it. He is a retired teacher from NSW. He has created the perfect ending to my story! In red is my starter, and in blue is Mr Mannell’s finish! Here it is…

The misty woods were dark and gloomy. Long shadows danced upon whispering trees. Cicadas were signing their song in gentle whispers. Leaves were gently floating to the damp ground. It felt like millions of eyes were lurking around, watching my every move. Suddenly, everything stopped. The cicadas stopped singing, the leaves stopped falling and the shadows stopped dancing, A long, slow rumbling noise burst through the ground. I felt my heart pound louder and louder every time I took a breath.  I smelt smoke and I heard deep growling. Something wasn’t right and I knew it was because of me.


Had I summoned some demon from the depths? The growling deepened to a rumbling.
Was this to be my punishment for defying my parents? The ground trembled then shook.
Has the devil come to claim me? A craggy fissure opened issuing sulphurous fumes.
Breathing became a struggle as the yellow tinged vapour enveloped me. My mind told me to run but my legs refused.

My head throbbed in the putrid air as I wondered if I would soon draw my last breath. Movement from deep within the fissure trembled my legs. I sensed something approaching me from… from somewhere.
Darkness enveloped me. I thought…

My head swimming, I opened my eyes. The spinning room slowed. My eyes focused. My family smiled.
“W-w-where am I?” I whispered.
“You’re okay now,” my mother comforted. “You’re in hospital. You had a close call.”
“Th-the ground, it opened up.”
“An old coal mine had collapsed. It’s coal has been burning underground for years,” dad explained.
“But the smell..” I said as I fell asleep.

It took time to recover, time I used to find out more. It had indeed been a close call. Had it not been for a crew sent out to assess the scene, I wouldn’t have survived. The gases escaping from the old mine would have been fatal.
My only fault was being in the wrong place at the wrong time.

From Mr Mannell: Like you, I also have a passion for writing whether stories, blogs or blog commenting. Form your scary story starter, I can see you have a gift for writing and I enjoy a challenge so I’ll offer a possible ending…

So, thank you very much to Mr Mannell for commenting on this! Another one will be up soon 🙂


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